I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
