you have to choose: penises or morals?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
