i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
