I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
