billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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