If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
