This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
