got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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