He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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