i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
