Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
