that's an acceptable place to lick
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
