did you get engaged???
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
