If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
