turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
