I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
