I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
