I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My balls are so social today.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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