with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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