apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
