God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
