Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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