I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
