I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
