Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
