she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
