Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
