she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
