kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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