Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
