i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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