What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
