i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
