are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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