Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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