wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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