who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just tell him i said nine months
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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