Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
