you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
