if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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