It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am mentally ready for anal.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
