Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
