Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
