We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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