apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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