Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
