My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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