is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
