I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
