Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
