I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
