i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
